Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
