Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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