listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Green mimosas i think yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
