I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
