New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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