And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
