I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
