So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
