I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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