Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
