Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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