I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
