Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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