The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
