Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
