I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
