I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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