it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
