why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
