Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
