It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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