There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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