I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize