Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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