How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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