The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
