i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
