addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
