Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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