How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
