you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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