Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
