Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize