I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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