I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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