Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
