doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
