u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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