her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
