its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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