OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
