...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
