wanna go halves on a baby?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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