I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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