Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
