we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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