i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize