Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
