oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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