Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
