Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
