honey bunches of taint.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
