Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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