Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
