I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
