but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
