Plan B is the new Plan A
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
