At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
