Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
