the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
