Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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