Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
