Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
