Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
