Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There r osticjed everywhere
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
where are my eyebrows?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
