According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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