Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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