is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
