it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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