even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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