the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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