Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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